I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
