apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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