UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
