Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
