Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
