There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
