So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
