Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Farmville is her only friend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
