I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
