K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
