hotel room ftw
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
