You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
