to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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