lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize