he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
