i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
