i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
