We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
