Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
