My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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