Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
