I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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