I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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