just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
