I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
