I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
