I love black thongs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
