You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
