soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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