Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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