Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
