This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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