are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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