He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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