they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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