This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
