All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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