He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
