Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
