PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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