Just mADE A PArabola og urine
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
