I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
