i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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