I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
