remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize