I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
