I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
