good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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