I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
