i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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