he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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