My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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