and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
