your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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