ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Welp...herpes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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