my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
