is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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