I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
