Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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