Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
