As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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