the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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